Tue. Jul 7th, 2020

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Parenting is Tough: Your Parents Did Not Fail You And If You’re Not Careful Your Children Will Say Same Thing

5 min read

In our modern society and in the present age, one of the toughest job is to be a parent. Yea!! I said parenting is a job.

It’s unfair to say a parent had failed and it’s even more cruel when a child calls the parent a failure because the parent could not provide the needs of the child at the time.

Before I give the tips and educate us on why we need to understand that parenting is a tough job, we need to understand that as a parent, apart from your paid job or business, there is an expectation from the child that you must meet: from psychological, emotional and even material needs that must be met. However, the child at some point need to learn that, the father does not owe him any emotional responsibility and the only person he should be responsible to emotionally is his wife. This is just to note. Thus, before you say your parents have failed you, they are some things you need to check, and if your parents had at least done 50% of these, then you cannot call them failures but stand and learn to take responsibility for yourself.

Helping Your Child boost Self-Esteem: children start developing the sense of self from  a very tender age. They get to watch the parents and pay attention to details, from the tone of their voice, the expression on the face and even the body language. The things a parent say to a child can covertly and overtly affect the child’s self esteem more than you can imagine.

Celebrating the success of a child no matter how little and irrespective of the circumstances, make the child feel safe and ready to try again. Allowing them sometimes to do things on their own gives them courage and strength. In this same way, using abusive words and telling them how good for nothing they are kills the self esteem in a child and this might be difficult to regain even for a life time.

It is not proper as a parent to use abusive words and even afflicting physical pain on the child. Comparing a child to someone else and even sometimes someone younger can make the child to start keeping things to himself, and in a case where secrets sets in, you will no longer know your child.

Be careful when you say things to a child, learn to show love and try to show them that you care. Teach them mistakes is part of life and even amidst the mistakes you still love them and give them room to repent from a wrong behavior before you crucify them.

If your parents were able to help you build self esteem to the capacity they could at the time. If is not ohk to say they failed and even in a case where they need not focus on this area of life, they still have not failed because parenting is a tough job and they get to pick from lots of options daily.

Make Communication a Priority: in some families, the style of parenting is king and subject style of parenting. In this case, one of the parent or in some case the parents get to be “the lion of the tribe of the family” in this type of homes, nobody care about communication, everybody simply get to do his thing and everyone is fine with it.

You do not  expect the child to simply do things because you said so. In recent times children have come to develop some kind of resistance to what parents say and this is because learning from schools and the internet have placed a puzzle in their minds and this platforms give room to question everything.

Parents who don’t communicate, are exposed to losing their children’s loyalty.

Sometimes a child demands and explanation, don’t say because you are a parent you don’t owe the child. If you don’t take time to explain certain things they get to learn wrong things

Try and be open to suggestions, you are a parent not a Lord. Whatever thing that is not clear and there is need for the child to know, tell him. Don’t let him find out because he will eventually. When there is a problem, let the child know, express your feelings, your fears, your pain, and invite your child to work on a solution with you. Be sure to include the consequences. Children who participate in decisions are more motivated to carry them out.

Don’t be a tyrant, permit Flexibility and Willingness to Adjust Your Parenting Style: have you ever wondered why in some homes, the children don’t know what their parents does and don’t even know the whereabouts of their parents? Yea! That’s right, they don’t relate with the children.

For some parents, the best way to show love and care for the child is by paying bills and sponsoring the child.

You need to learn as a parent that, the child wants a father not a lord, a mother not boss. It is not about fixing the bills. Sometimes the child just want to talk, sometimes all that is needed is a tap on the back but unfortunately; the parents are too busy with work and building a career forgetting that their first responsibility is not the job but the family.

Learn to know your child, there is something called human differences.

To understand how tough parenting could be, imagine if you have four children, you need to understand each by their strength and weakness and still focus on your job, plus trying to manage your partner. 

Let’s face it, just like everyone else; you are not perfect and as a result you are an imperfect parent. Accepting this reality is better than the illusion of building a perfect home.

They are strengths and weaknesses. Recognize your abilities “I am loving and dedicated.” Vow to work on your weaknesses — “I need to be more consistent with discipline.” Try to have realistic expectations for yourself, your spouse, and your children. You don’t have to have all the answers — be forgiving of yourself.

Focusing on your needs does not make you selfish. It simply means you care about your own well-being, which is another important value to model for your children.

And try to make parenting a manageable job. Focus on the areas that need the most attention rather than trying to address everything all at once. Admit it when you’re burned out. Take time out from parenting to do things that will make you happy as a person.

So many blame their failures on parents and refused to take responsibility for themselves. This have kept them trapped in a point in life, where if care is not taken, their children will blame them for failure too.

parenting is tough but admitting your imperfection and understanding that it is not always about you and in fact you might be wrong and you child is right is a one big breakthrough.

Do not be a bad parent because you think your parents were not any better, else your children will say the same of you

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